I recently completed a 16-week long fitness and exercise program through my school, Nova Southeastern University. The program was modeled after the popular television show, "The Biggest Loser." As participants, we were challenged to achieve the greatest percentage of body fat loss and changes for an overall healthy lifestyle. As the weeks went by, it soon became apparent that even with the nutritionist, trainers, life coaches, and support, there were still those who struggled to lose weight. What more incentive could have been offered? There were prizes and a chance to better your health and life with so many people there to help and guide you.

When I took some time to interview a couple of gals on the team, I found what I had already realized within my own life---that weight gain and weight loss are often tied to abuse, both in adulthood and in childhood. One BL contestant commented to me, "I think people that had traumatic incidents as a child become emotional eaters or have disordered eating." I believe that while you can take away the poor eating patterns, unless you address the memory of abuse, you have merely scratched the surface. Abuse is destructive and debilitating. It causes the very essence and identity of its victims to become numb to their true self, real worth, and value.

I, for one, am thankful for the opportunity to lose weight, once again. Like my other fellow "losers," I have been on the treadmill of weight loss before, running after this fad diet or the next, losing and gaining, gaining more, then losing. The key thing that this program gave me that other programs had not was the counseling that addressed the psychological aspect of weight loss. With our trusted weekly sessions, we were given an opportunity to "unload," if you will, and tell about our lifestyles, habits, thinking patterns, and history of abuses to our designated "life coach" counselor. Counseling offered the tools to change destructive patterns of thinking and mindsets that had been working in contradiction to our success. However, the time allotted may not have been enough for some contestants to delve deeply into healing the wounds of the past and so their goals were not as easily reached.

The results for me were fascinating. As I began to think differently about myself, I began to accept who I am as a woman, no longer needing to hide behind the fat to protect myself from unwanted advances or the memory thereof. All too often, people who have been abused go through life without any intervention and carry around the baggage (and not just the physical kind) that goes along with the constant memories of the past. Many overweight people suffer a lifetime of misunderstanding, mistreatment, and low self- esteem.

Only if, others could find out that someone cares, only if they could have a trusted confidant to talk to and share their experiences with, only if they too could work through the past, then they too could lose the weight. I thank God for this program and the care and nurturing I received. I know I will be on my own now, but at least now I am better equipped to handle the memories and thoughts that used to weigh me down.

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